Missing Pieces
by Katherine Shepard
Summary: Missing Pieces contains the collected segments detailing the relationship between Shepard and Zaeed as seen in Reclamation. Air and Sanctuary can be found here.
1. Air

It shouldn't've turned out like this. How could she come to trust anyone if things like this kept happening?

Shepard grit her teeth, rifle clutched in her hands, back pressed to a pillar as the telltale groans of a scion neared her. What was there to lose these days? She didn't like caving into these thoughts, but in the wake of everything that happened since Cerberus brought her back, what else did she have left besides her thoughts?

Horizon had been a disaster in more ways than one. The moment she knew Kaidan was there, the true purpose of the mission had paled despite her best attempts to remain focused. Every frozen colonist they'd passed that wasn't Kaidan bolstered her determination to reach the end, to get to the towers he'd been there to install. He'd be there! she'd told herself. He'd make it worth it, she knew he would. Somehow, in all of the tangle of miscommunication and ill-willed benefactors, Kaidan would still be there.

It hadn't been until the gruff, dismissive voice of Zaeed Massani sounded behind her, condemning the Alliance for not being straightforward. That had triggered something in her mind, turning her eyes cold when she'd looked back at Kaidan. Watching him leave with a sneer on his handsome features, Shepard had felt her heart harden and her consideration for her own life diminish. What good was staying alive, being cautious, if there was nothing waiting for her when it was all over?

It had been this mindset that had followed her into the supposedly defunct Collector ship. The same ship that had claimed the lives of her former crew members, the original Normandy, and had ended her own existance. Moving inside it was like crawling through the remains of her old life. The Collectors that stared her down from lofty perches and shot at her squadmates, at her, all pieces she'd watched disappear in plumes of silent fire. She'd spent her last moments watching the Normandy become engulfed in the brilliant flames. She remembered thinking it was beautiful, fire in a vacuum. She'd given in to the sleep that weighed her down, her final breath of air stolen from her by the inky black.

Being alive now, without his love and support at her back, made that last breath meaningless. Shepard squeezed her eyes shut briefly, slipped her finger onto the rifle's trigger, and threw herself boldly out at the fray beyond her hiding place. She flew at them carelessly, screaming into the confines of her helmet, tears burning her eyes that blurred the shapes before her, her weapon discharging wildly.

She would die here. Die inside the ship that had killed her the first time. It would be a glorious end, a rightful end. What did it matter now? Those who had granted her life again had already turned on her, teased her with the remnants of her old life, and placed an even greater burden on shoulders already too weary to hold much more. Dying here would be poetic. She could leave behind something beautiful, something worth repeating to others. Commander Karen Shepard, hero of the Blitz, died doing what she believed in.

But what was there left to believe?

Shepard launched herself bodily at the oncoming figure of Harbinger, his glowing body a mockery of heaven's light as he promised her a noble death. In her abandon, she threw her rifle aside and drew a fist back. She would go, she would let him take her away. Nothing mattered now.

The sudden closure of a strong hand around her arm, her body being pulled sideways roughly, and the unforgiving hardness of the ground at her back yanked her back to reality. Time slowed for the barest of moments, her ears filling with coarsely-spoken words, as the passing face of Zaeed Massani crossed her field of vision. Time returned with a sickening thud and she cried out from the pain of her gun ports digging into her back. She lay on the ground, the armored body of the bounty hunter stretched over her as Grunt provided a shower of cover fire above them.

"The hell is wrong with you!?" Zaeed screamed, drawing her further back to reality. "Bloody daft bitch, you could've been killed!"

Shepard stared at him blankly. She'd never noticed it before, how only one of his eyes could see. The blind one had always followed its twin as though it could still view the world even though no light entered it. Her gaze traveled the jagged length of his facial scar, her mind recalling the story behind it. Rage, as an anesthetic? Isn't that what he'd said? Her brow furrowed. There was nothing left to be mad at. The Collectors? They'd already killed her. The Reapers? No one believed in them, anyway. Rage would do little to numb the pain she felt deep in her heart.

She drew a deep breath suddenly, filling her lungs with the oxygen flowing from her suit's tank. She was still here. Still alive. Zaeed had apparently cared enough to keep her here. Or was it just the contract? The contract. Money. Her eyes narrowed.

Commander Shepard was no one's investment!

Shepard summoned her strength and thrust Zaeed's heavy body from her. He fell back against Grunt's massive legs, surprise evident in his eyes. She propelled herself onto her feet and withdrew her pistol from its holster.

"I'm not dying here. Not again," she vowed coldly, cocking the weapon and swinging back around to face the steadily advancing Collector drones. She heard Zaeed give a mad cackle of laughter as he stood as well and joined her in unloading clip after clip into the Collectors' ranks. Grunt followed their lead as the three soldiers powered their way back to the shuttle.

Shepard dove first for the shuttle's door as it swung open, rolling to a stop against the far wall. Zaeed and Grunt followed soon after and she barked, "Go!" Immediately, the small transport vessel rose upwards and away from the Collector ship, its path taking them back home to the Normandy.

Garrus was there to greet them as they exited the shuttle in the docking hangar. Shepard paid him little heed as she marched after the retreating Zaeed, undoubtedly on his way back to starboard cargo. The second the bounty hunter crossed the threshold into the hold, the door attempted to close, only to be punched brutally back open by Shepard's fist on its console. Zaeed, hearing her violent entrance, turned in alarm towards her, his hand hovering over his pistol.

"What the hell are you doing, Shepard?" he demanded. Shepard ignored him and advanced on him quickly, fist drawing back. Before Zaeed could react to deflect it, Shepard's fist landed hard on his jaw, sending the older man up against the bulkhead. Shepard followed this move up with an arm to his throat, her fingers closing around his wrist when he made to grab his sidearm.

"Did I ask you to save me, Massani?!" Shepard screamed in his face, teeth baring maliciously. "Do you think I need saving? Is that it?!"

"No!" Zaeed jerked his free arm up between his neck and Shepard's forearm, breaking her hold and shoving her back hard. Shepard stumbled into the crates beside the table, sending the throwing knives and ashtray to the floor with a loud series of clatters. "But you sure as hell need some sense!"

Shepard snarled and threw herself at him, hands curved into claws as she aimed for his throat. He caught her wrists just before they could make contact with his neck and forced her arms apart. "I'm in charge here, Massani!" she cried, struggling against his stronger grip. "You do what I say when I say it and only when I say it!"

"Not when it endangers you!" he snapped back, twisting her right arm down and around her back, spinning her in the process to turn her from him. Shepard continued to wriggle despite the burning pain in her shoulder at being held so brutally. "You crazy bitch, if I didn't know any better, I'd swear you were trying to kill yourself!"

"Even if I was, bounty hunter, it's no concern of yours!" Shepard bit out through clenched teeth. "I don't need saving! I don't need a goddamn hero!"

"When did I ever say I was?!" Zaeed returned hotly. "Never mistake me for one, Shepard; you'll always be disappointed." With that, he released her, pushing her from him swiftly. Shepard stumbled again and fell to the floor on her hands and knees. She stayed there, shoulders quaking with rage, her breathing hard and heavy as she fought to control the situation. Finally, she rose and turned on him wildly.

"If you ever, _ever_ interfere with my decisions again, I'll shove you out the damned airlock!" she vowed, stabbing a finger in his direction. They glared at each other for a moment, then Shepard pivoted on her heel and stalked out of the cargo hold.

Alone, Zaeed exhaled heavily, his fingers kneading his throat gingerly. He crossed the room to the security cameras and punched in the code to view the captain's quarters. He watched as the door opened and Shepard stormed inside. Even without sound, it was easy to see she was screaming as she hurled her desk chair across the room. She proceeded to tear her desk apart, shattering the display case of her model ships with her fist and throwing more things to the ground before finally collapsing to the floor. He watched as she curled into herself, her head bowed against her raised knees. Again, even without sound, he could tell precisely what she was doing.

Commander Shepard was crying.

"Shit..." Zaeed muttered, flicking the screen back to something less complicated and turning from the terminal. He returned to his usual post at the bulkhead, arms coming up to cross over his chestplate. He stood in silence, thoughts racing to find their usual comfortable state of simple reminiscing. When no familiar memories came, he thrust his fist against the wall with a strangled curse.

_I'm no hero, Shepard. Never mistake me for one; you'll always be disappointed...._

- cont


	2. Sanctuary

The phrase "calm before the storm" had never applied moreso than now. Commander Karen Shepard sat at her desk, hands steepled before her chin as her eyes stared blankly at the flickering holo of her former lover, Kaidan Alenko. The distant blips and beeps of the ship echoed around her, coupled with the low gurgle of the unused fish tank along the wall.

Two hours. Seemed more like an eternity. Shepard sighed into her clasped hands, eyes closing as she lowered her head. Her cabin was quiet despite the hum of the fish tank and delicate electric buzz of her personal console at her elbow. Unbidden, the memory of the night before Ilos entered her mind. It had been wonderful, at the time. After Horizon, Shepard had a hard time looking at Kaidan's holo without wanting to throw it across the room in a fit of rage.

Rage had become strangely easy to her since her resurrection. She could remember being remarkably compassionate and considerate of others when she was in the Alliance. Hell, she'd even had more hair back then! These days, it just seemed easier to punch first and ask questions later, provided the punchee was conscious. Her actions surprised most, went undetected by others, and was welcomed by precious few. Those precious few she kept with her as often as possible. Being around those who were unaccustomed to her abrupt rages looked at her in a way she couldn't describe or like. Garrus and Tali seemed most perplexed by her behavior, but kept their questions to themselves. They'd changed as well, though maybe not to the extent Shepard herself had.

She slid a hand over her shorn hair, fingertips seeking out the faint scars that crisscrossed her scalp. Neural damage, Miranda's files had indicated. Brain surgery. Misfiring impulses. Whatever the cause, it made her behavior all the more reckless, her pain threshold all the more advanced, her emotions all the more uncontrollable.

A shadow slipped over the steel wall behind her desk, causing Shepard to twist in her chair to see its source. Outlined by the pale blue of the tank behind him, the silent form of Zaeed stood behind her. She turned more in her chair, rising when he took a step forward. His name rose in her throat, caressed her tongue, then died before it could reach her lips. Why was he here? Her heart began to pound erratically in her chest. There was no denying the electricity she felt whenever she was near him. The sheer power and presence of him was enough to make her forget herself and her position as commander.

The oldest human on the ship, Zaeed had the ability to reduce Shepard to a little girl despite her long service record and multiple accolades. Even though he was a mere ten years her senior, he'd packed another twenty years into his current lifespan, more than she'd managed before she was twenty-two. Somehow keeping a wave of batarian slavers and pirates didn't seem all that impressive when you compared it to Zaeed's formation of the infamous mercenary band, the Blue Suns, when he was only fifteen. Shepard had done the math one day and had been dumbstruck by the results. Yes, Zaeed was definitely an intriguing individual for all of his coarse delivery and disinterest in socializing with the rest of the team. That didn't stop her from seeking him out instead, reveling in the wide range of stories of his exploits and simply enjoying his company.

That still didn't explain why he was here now.

Shepard took a tentative step forward as if daring him to speak or move. Instead he continued to gaze at her with his one good eye, the blind one following its twin instinctively despite its lack of sight. She imagined his eyes intimidated many foes, along with the story behind the scars that pulled his skin taut across the left side of his face, aging him prematurely for his forty years. The left side of his face remained mostly smooth, the only real evidence of his true age. His eyes, or his scars, didn't intimidate her. Instead, she often had to fight the urge to reach out and touch them. In deep shadows, the relief they were cast in defied their superficial depth, creating a striking image that would make any battle-hardened merc wet his flight suit should he come out of the shadows without warning. He probably should've startled her, coming into her cabin uninvited and in complete silence. Instead, all she wanted to do was cross the space that separated them, regardless of the outcome.

Before she could put thought into action, the stoic bounty hunter advanced on her. A breathless gasp escaped her lips as Zaeed lifted her into his arms effortlessly and put her on her desk. Then his mouth was on hers and all rational thought fled from her mind. Somewhere in the tangle of their embrace, Shepard heard the holo strike the floor and shatter. Somehow, it only served to make her kiss Zaeed with more passion, more force, than before.

Finally able to succumb to the impulses that had plagued her since that fateful nightmarish mission on the defunct Collector ship when he'd first shielded her with his body, Shepard lost herself in the sensation of his scar-tense lips on hers, her nails curling into the thick muscles of his shoulders. Just as she'd always imagined them, his arms felt amazing pressing into her sides as he held onto her firmly. She could feel the distinct slope of his biceps caressing the undersides of her upper arms and moaned boldly into the kiss. The hardness of his armor pushing against her breasts was surprisingly arousing, though she was eager to see him deprived of the offending restriction between them.

The kiss was broken with a mutual inhalation of the artificial air even as Zaeed hoisted her from the desk and carried her down to the bed. Stretched out over it, Shepard watched with hazy eyes as the older man began to rid himself of his armor. Following his lead, Shepard jerked her flight top over her head and worked her boots off her feet, kicking them to the floor carelessly. The various sections of his bright red armor joined her discarded combat boots and thrown top, landing on the steel floor with nigh-deafening thuds.

Bare to the waist, Zaeed knelt over the commander again, his knee wedging between hers and coaxing her legs apart. Shepard arched up to meet him as he lowered his face to the side of her neck, his lips and tongue creating the most amazing sensations along her skin. The heavy scent of leather and metal permeated his skin, encompassing her senses. When his palms made contact with her breasts, Shepard released a small cry that sounded more like a plea, a plea that did not fall on deaf ears. Zaeed pushed the fabric of her bra up away from her breasts, fingertips creeping up the trembling flesh there and teasing the nipples that strained against his touch.

It was like being devoured alive by pure sensation. Shepard threw her head back just as Zaeed's lips closed over her right nipple, suckling her insistantly. When she made to grip his head, his hands came up and pinned her wrists to the bed. Rather than bucking to get him off her, she released control and allowed him to take command. The weight of always being in charge lifted from her spirit and she gave in to the throaty moan that had rushed up through her chest, demanding release. This reaction seemed to please the former mercenary; the vibration from his deep laugh sent shivers up and down her spine. She continued to writhe beneath him, lidded eyes drinking in the sight of him above her. It fueled an already fiery arousal that blossomed between her legs and spread to her very fingertips.

A few more agonizing moments of delicious torture and he was off her again. Shepard blinked delirious eyes at him, barely registering his hands at the waistband of her pants as he pulled them down her legs. The cool air struck her and she let loose a shuddering groan. Heat met her skin, hotter than anything she'd ever felt before. She opened her eyes partially to find Zaeed completely nude and stretched over her. The weight of him alone was amazing in her mind. He was so..._solid_. So reassuring. She felt, for possibly the first time in her life, like a woman should when being loved by a man: small, feminine, delicate. Under his body, she was all of these things and more.

She breathed his name faintly, drawing his focus to her lips again. He pressed his groin against her pelvis as he claimed her upturned mouth once more, smiling when her legs wrapped around his waist. It wouldn't take much encouragement for her to be ready for him, that much was certain. The very action of her hips rising to meet him was invitation enough.

At the first sensation of him thrusting inside her, Shepard tightened her hold on his waist and lifted her hips well off the bed. Zaeed rose up slightly and gripped her rear in both hands, supporting her as he deepened his thrusts. Shepard's back was in a dramatic arch now, her hands propped up on either side of her head as she gazed at him with naked lust in her eyes. He met her intense stare with his own, eyes unblinking even as his hips worked to maintain his rhythm. Shepard was rocked steadily against the bedspread, their groins meeting in a jarring shudder each time he buried himself within her. She twisted her body slightly to adjust his angle, purring out a satisfied moan at the new sensation.

After many more deep gyrations of his hips, Zaeed slipped from her and released her legs' hold on his waist. Shepard lay breathing heavily as he circled the bed and stretched out onto his back. Immediately, Shepard flipped over and crawled up the bed to drop a hot, bruising kiss on his parted lips. As she forced his mouth open with her tongue, she swung one leg over his hips and sank down onto him to the hilt. She parted from him to bend backwards, forcing him to press against her most sensitive places. He gripped her as she began to roll her hips over him lustily. His coarse hands on her skin, the heat of him deep inside, the sound of his heavy breathing -- all of these heightened her arousal further. Never before had she felt so fulfilled, not even with Kaidan had she felt this _ecstasy_. Zaeed was amazing, guiding her rotating hips with his hands, grinding her roughly against him and enhancing every sensation that flowed through her.

Kaidan's lovemaking had been slow and deliberate. He'd wanted to savor it for as long as possible. But Zaeed? He wanted all of her, every last inch of her body on fire for him, to hear her voice as she shaped her moist lips around his name in breathless gasps. This much she could feel just from the persistance in which he held her to him, over him. Around him.

With a great cry of desire, Shepard undulated over him, throwing her head back and clutching at his thickly muscled thighs for leverage. She could feel it building. She wanted to let go. Her body shuddered as waves washed over her and fell over him, wanting to feel him close to her. Zaeed obliged by shifting into a sitting position, Shepard still in his lap, and embraced her close to his broad chest. He kissed her neck as she shivered in his arms, her orgasm coursing through her and over him. She relaxed against him with a drowsy sigh, her head falling forward to rest in the crook of his shoulder.

It was a few minutes before awareness returned to Shepard, consciousness coaxed by Zaeed's fingers caressing the small of her back. He was still inside her, but didn't seem all that concerned with meeting his own end as he pressed a remarkably soft kiss against her jaw. She suddenly felt abashed to be nude in his arms, his thickness still joining them intimately. Zaeed noticed and smiled slightly up at her.

"Feeling better?" he rumbled softly, gliding his lips across her jaw again and making her shiver. Shepard attempted to find her voice and failing, simply nodded. He chuckled quietly. "Good."

He continued to hold her to him as she began to succumb to exhaustion. Wrapping her arms about his neck and shoulders, Shepard rested her head against them and closed her eyes. His fingers resumed their gentle stroking of her spine, lulling her further into welcoming sleep.

On the very verge of slumber, Shepard felt Zaeed shift, the world spinning briefly before she was laid on her side and the heaviness of his arm lay draped over her waist. She felt him draw closer to her, her back to his chest and his lips at her ear as he murmured words she couldn't comprehend, tired as she was. A billowing of fabric and they were covered, his heat immediately flooding the enclosed space between them.

Shepard forced her lips to part and for her voice to sound. "Stay with me," she whispered faintly. Zaeed's response was to kiss her ear lightly even as words echoed in her mind.

"Wouldn't dream of leaving, Shepard..."

- cont?


End file.
